I’m allowing myself a personal moment. I can do that on my blog, right? Yesterday at the library I happened across a John Denver CD. I haven’t listened to John Denver in an age, but it always reminds me of the huge music book we had sitting on our old player piano growing up.
So today, while cutting vegetables for stirfry, I popped in the CD and turned it to Annie’s Song. It’s like all the memories from my childhood came to the forefront—the memories that I had somehow stifled in the past years. The happy memories of childhood. Running in from school and getting a snack at the kitchen island from my mom. Learning how to cook with my mom (and hating all the cutting). My mom in the kitchen making bread while I practiced the piano in the dining room.
Before I knew it was crying over the chopped carrots. The irony that I was making stirfry wasn’t lost on me (my mother is Chinese). Turns out… Annie’s Song reminds me of my mom.
And it’s a bit unfortunate, but I don’t have the kind of relationship with my mother that allows me to just call her up and tell her I love her. Let’s just say, it’s complicated. Which probably had me crying even harder.
I hope to goodness that my daughters will be able to call me whenever they want to tell me how much they love me. (Ya. That probably made the sobbing even worse).
Well, if you ever read this, Mom, I love you.
Carina, thank you for sharing such a personal moment. I love hearing songs from my childhood, it’s one of those ways I seem to be able to uncover memories I had forgotten. I can also relate to your mother/daughter relationship. I just want to encourage you, even with the complicatedness that things may work out as I am going thru the rebuilding of my relationship with my mom. Good luck. Tonya
This was so poignant Carina. I too grew up loving Annie’s Theme and even danced to it at my wedding. `Ann
Carina – personal moments are the best and what a blessing you have shared with us. Focus on those positive memories!
Carina, I have no relationship with my mother and my children are all adults now and I thank God that they call me everyday.
Carina, I too am very glad you shared that moment with us. For me it is not always just the music, though I have been known to burst into tears in my car while listening to the radio, but the combination of cooking and listening to music has provoked emotions from me. I think it is all about the memories that every family creates in a kitchen. Next time feel free to join me for a good cry in my kichen with me any time:)
I hope your mom reads this too.
I too have a complicated relationship with my parents, I understand what you are saying.
Many hugs and thank you for sharing such a personal moment.
This is just beautiful!!! And in her heart I’m sure she knows you love her. But still…I hope she reads this too!
Beautiful post. I had a complicated relationship with my mom, too, so I can relate.
It got less complicated as she aged. She’s gone now, and I miss her.
I’m sorry that you have a difficult relationship with your mom-I hope that in time it improves-you deserve that.
I too grew up in the John Denver era and am a total John Denver geek-I know all the words to all the songs. I don’t listen to him very often anymore but every once in awhile I break out the cds and sing away. Thanks for sharing with us your thoughts.
Hugs, Meghan
I’m shedding a tear with you. Your mom is missing so much.